dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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