Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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