im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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