Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
