Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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