GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
