i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
