so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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