Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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