How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
