i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
