I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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