I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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