Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
