Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
