Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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