cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
