I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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