The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
