I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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