summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
