we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
