She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
