This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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