well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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