walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
