don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
