I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
