dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
