I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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