he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
