I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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