Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
