just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
