I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
