Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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