Screwed.edu
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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