He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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