can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
