On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
