I wish I only lived at night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have aggressive nipples.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
