Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
