just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
