what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
