I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
