I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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