I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
