I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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