The maid of honor just puked.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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