I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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