She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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